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[tab title=”Miserable Mother”][dropcap]I[/dropcap] am a mother of three, and my youngest daughter went off to college this semester. I sometimes feel lonely and bored, especially on Sundays and evenings after work because that is when we would spend a lot of time together. Of course, I am really enjoying certain aspects of it, like spending more alone time with my husband, but so much of my time is less enjoyable without my kids. How do I make the transition of learning to live with just my husband and I again?[/tab]
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Dear Mother,
Dealing with your last baby moving out can be so difficult. I am not a mother myself, but I have seen my family and friends go through this, and I am making the transition with my mother myself.
- First of all, don’t think your kids don’t love you or want to spend time with you. Chances are, your daughter is really missing you too now that she is in a strange, new place without the comfort of home. Her life will be filled with business, however, so she may not contact you as much as you would like. But never fear, she will always come home for some help with laundry or a comforting hug and homemade dinner.
- Then try very hard not to worry. I know, this goes against the very fabric of a mother’s being, but you spent 18-20 years teaching your children how to handle themselves in the real world, and even though you cannot guarantee their safety, you can rest in the knowledge that they will take the wisdom you gave them and fail and succeed at their own rate. They will come to you for advice and comfort, and you will be there with open arms to receive them. Periodically check on them (they will appreciate it even if they say differently!), offer optimism and kind words, and be the mom you are even as you learn how to be a person again.
- The next thing you can do will be more tangible and will help consistently move you into a new life: pick up that healthy hobby you have wanted to have time for, for so long. Whether it be voice lessons, exercise, foreign language, writing, book club, martial arts, classic movies, or updating your cookbook or scrapbook, you now have much more time to get better at it! Make a portion or all of your child’s old room into a hobby room or library/study to pursue your endeavors with more space. Take some time to cater to your interests and needs.
- Move on from the empty nest syndrome by reacquainting yourself with the man you love again. Now, you may have marital issues or you may have a great relationship with your husband, but regardless, now you are living with him under new circumstances. Chances are, you haven’t lived alone with him for 30 years or so. Relish in an empty house at night. Go out on dates with the excess money you have, and do things you always talked about doing. Talk to him about what you are feeling. He’s the father to your kids, and even if he experiences the feelings in a different way than you do, he still experiences them. An article on empty nest syndrome from the MayoClinic.org says “When the last child leaves home, parents have a new opportunity to reconnect with each other, improve the quality of their marriage, and rekindle interests for which they previously might not have had time.”
It’s very hard, but it seems like you have a good family to back you up as you have to make this transition. Try not to focus on the negatives, and enjoy the time you do get to spend with your children. As the old Proverb says, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
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[tab title=”Food Forager”][dropcap]D[/dropcap]ear Grace, I am allergic to everything. That is a bit of a hyperbole, but I really am allergic to a lot of foods like gluten, dairy, corn, and more. It’s hard to manage all of the allergies, especially in a world so centered on food. And sometimes…I really just want a doughnut! What is your advice on managing the stress of these allergies?[/tab]
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Dear Forager,
The first thing I can say is to consult your doctor and/or nutritionist. They will be the source for the best information for you.
However, I do have some experience with food allergies, and I have researched many different ways to combat the struggle of making food that doesn’t kill or harm you.
- Join a Support Group. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with trying to find foods without those staple ingredients you listed. Gluten and other intolerances are certainly on the rise in our culture, and your chances at finding like minded individuals with food allergies are very high. Together, you can create recipes and discuss the difficulties of managing the allergies.
- Try foods you never thought you would like. Discovering mangoes was a great experience for me. They always looked horrible on first glance, but when ripe they are absolutely delicious. Play around with new foods you wouldn’t have originally thought to try. Try foods together you wouldn’t have tried before. Make sweet potato fries if you are allergic to potatoes. Have almond milk in your cereal instead of cow milk if you are allergic to dairy. The list goes on, and the best place to find new recipes is Pinterest. There seems to always be something new in their recipe section.
- Beat the craving. Food is often a source of comfort for people, and for those with allergies, this is not good. The craving can drive someone to eat a food they know hurts them just to eat it again, but there is a way to beat the craving. When you find yourself craving cake or crackers, do something else you love. Being disciplined in avoiding foods doesn’t have to be completely painful. Replace the bad cravings with cravings for other activities like watching Netflix, playing with your kids, or praying.
- Be careful eating out. Eating out can be a dangerous undertaking for a person with allergies. Planning ahead is crucial to avoiding intake of the condemned food or finding yourself with only salad as an option. Google the restaurant you wish to dine at to see if they have an allergy menu or call ahead to ask. Some restaurants don’t include their menus online, but many have an alternate menu available upon request for gluten, nut, dairy, etc. free foods.
- And sometimes…eat doughnuts! I researched and researched until I could find a corn-free gluten-free dairy-free doughnut recipe that looked yummy. Here is my result:
This recipe from GlutenFreeGirl.com looks great. When you get to the site, read through the article to the bottom or just scroll down to get to the recipes for cinnamon sugar doughnut holes.
FreeEatsFood.com had a yummy cake doughnut recipe I thought would be fun to try, too.
This chocolate doughnuts with butterscotch glaze recipe from FreeEatsFood.com looks absolutely lovely!
If you would like to submit a question, send it to info@texasforestcountryliving.com.
