Self-care is not something that everyone participates in, but it’s vital. It’s important to make yourself a priority, especially when you go through a traumatic or emotional incident like a miscarriage. You can only hold in your suffering and sadness for so long until it starts to take a toil on your emotional and mental well-being. Many women feel guilty or selfless for participating in self-care. However, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will?
You have to keep in mind what activities make you feel better. Do you want to be alone or surrounded by people? Do you want to write down your feelings or verbally discuss them? Your self-care plan needs to be individual and tailored to your needs.
- Unplug for a while.
After a miscarriage, social media posts can be incredibly triggering. The pregnancy reveals, baby shower photos, and the photos of kids can all be too much during this time. Don’t feel bad if you have to “unfollow” some of your Facebook friends for a while or if you have to take a break from Instagram.
- Have a dance party.
This may sound silly, but turn on your favorite playlist and jam out. Sing loud, cry, twirl around, and dance like a fool. Allow yourself to feel everything and just let it out.
- Take a walk.
Get outside! Take a moment to soak in the beauty around you: the leaves, a creek, and the birds. Walking also releases endorphins and endocannabinoids, which help you feel better. You can use this time to reflect upon your feelings and experiences, or use this time to clear your mind and focus on nature.
- Journal your feelings.
Pick up a journal and write down your feelings every day. What triggered your feelings of guilt, anger, or sadness that day? You can even just doodle or make small, quick notes in your journal. You can keep this journal just for you, or you can share it with your significant other or therapist to show them how you’re doing.
- Create a self-date night.
Indulge yourself for a night. Book a massage. Read a book that you’ve been wanting to. Wonder around your favorite store and browse. Purchase a new body spray or perfume for yourself. Go out to eat or see a movie by yourself. You deserve it.
- Snuggle with an animal.
According to Keith Humphreys, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University, holding and stroking a pet is calming for people and helps reduce anxiety. So take some time out to snuggle and pet your cat or dog. If you don’t have a pet, visit a local shelter and give some love to animals in need of a home.
- Block out negative people.
Are there people being insensitive and negative about your struggles? Block them out of your life. Don’t put your emotional energy into people who are detrimental for your mental wellbeing. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, allow you to talk about your experiences, and who help you heal.
- Say no.
 You don’t have to be a people-pleaser. You don’t have to pile more on your plate during this time of grief. It’s okay for you to come first, and to build healthy boundaries with those around you.
- Find a support network.
During this time it’s crucial that you have a support network. Whether it be your spouse, parent, friend, or even an online group. You need a safe space where you can discuss your feelings and difficulties with people who understand and love you. You will have high highs and low lows, and you need to be able to express that part of your journey.
- Create a body positivity list.
It’s normal to feel hatred, resentment, and even sadness toward your body after a miscarriage. You may feel like your body is “broken,” “damaged,” or “less than.” You need to remember that miscarriages happen to 1 in 4 women. Your body is still incredible and capable. Write down things you still like about your body. Perhaps you like the color of your eyes or the texture of your hair. Maybe you appreciate that you’re able to work out for long periods of time or overcome sicknesses easily. Whatever it is, surround yourself in self-love.
